


Faded

by vixenfobia



Category: ENHYPEN (Band)
Genre: Acceptance, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Moving On, kind of colors soulmate au but not really, late night valentine's thoughts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-15
Updated: 2021-02-15
Packaged: 2021-03-16 23:54:25
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,854
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29462340
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/vixenfobia/pseuds/vixenfobia
Summary: Jungwon watches as his reflection in the mirror slowly fades into black and white. It just means one thing -- his other half is starting to fall out of love.When he looks back and meets Jongseong's eyes, he wonders if the smile on his lips matches his broken heart.
Relationships: Park Jongseong | Jay & Yang Jungwon
Comments: 13
Kudos: 68





	Faded

**Author's Note:**

> Or alternatively; a world where one will see all the colors for the first time once they fall in love and their feelings are reciprocated but will lose all the colors if the other falls out of love.

ㅡ🥀

The first time it happens, Jungwon blinks a couple of times and the colors are back.

It's late afternoon and he's busy serving an endless line of tired and grumpy customers in dire need of their caffeine to recharge a little until they reach the comfort of their beds to sleep and finally call it a day.

Jungwon himself is exhausted to the bones from the hectic day of being the only one to man the counter for three consecutive days because the other barista has been on sick leave that he thinks is just a pure lie.

So when his vision suddenly blurred in black and white for a quick few seconds while he was ringing another customer, he massaged the back of his neck, thinking it was due to overfatigue, and took a break in the backroom to catch some needed rest.

His heart though continued to beat harshly against his ribcage that it hurts, sending his mind gearing in a mile a minute, knowing full well the other possible reason just sitting at one corner of his mind waiting to be brought up and addressed. But it was such a random occurrence that he chose to not delve much into it.

When Jungwon finally clocks out and he sees Jongseong already waiting for him outside the coffee shop he’s working at with a small smile already plastered on his lips -- he thinks, yes, he was just worn out and chose to forget the nagging feeling, enjoying the warmth of his boyfriend’s embrace instead.

Jungwon laughs with Jongseong, walking hand in hand under the serene night sky.

Surely, the universe isn’t that cruel to let him hold something that fits perfectly against him if it’s not meant to stay forever, right?

ㅡ🥀

The next time it happens, he's waiting for Jongseong outside his apartment to come pick him up for their Saturday date night.

Jungwon rubs his eyes with a closed fist, desperately trying to clear his vision with his blood rushing to his head like angry lava, blinking on the pavement glittering under the lamp post behind him.

Unlike the first time his vision turned grey, this time, it lasts for at least a minute before the colors come back.

Jungwon feels a lump lodged in his throat, so huge that it wouldn't budge even with how hard he tries to swallow it down. He can hear his heartbeats pounding in his ears, loud and deafening against the silence of the night, limbs cold and heavy as if the world is trying to weigh his whole being down.

There's the telltale sign of tears burning at the back of his eyes, threatening to spill at any second if not for the familiar sound of a car engine approaching from the distance.

Jungwon stands up straight, rubbing his clammy palms against the rough material of his jeans before taking a slow and deep shuddering breath in an attempt to calm himself from the anxiety crawling under his skin, chest constricting and stomach hollow as he follows his boyfriend's form with his eyes walking towards his direction.

"Hi," was Jongseong's greeting when he stood in front of Jungwon, bending a little to drop a soft peck on his right cheek. "Did you wait long, baby? Sorry, the traffic was bad." He slings an arm around his shoulders and guides him towards the car.

Jungwon smiles at his boyfriend, hoping it isn't trembling at the corners like the rest of his body. "Not really. Just came out of the apartment, too. Don't worry, hyung."

"That's nice to know then." Jongseong mirrors his smile, opening the car door for him.

But before Jungwon enters, he twists around to get a proper look of the older’s face, especially of his eyes -- the hauntingly beautiful dark orbs that used to drown him and willingly get lost in.

"What is it?" his boyfriend asks after a short stretch of silence, voice soft and laced with worry, a frown marring his handsome face. Jungwon shakes his head, reaching to hold the older's hands in his, marveling at how it’s always warm against his skin and giving it a light squeeze.

"Nothing," he whispers, feeling his heart falling to his feet faster than his face before masking it with a dimpled smile that he hopes doesn't show how he truly feels at the moment. "You just look extra good tonight," he reasons and Jongseong laughs at this, the sound tinkling and filling the empty streets, eyes curving into crescents.

And for the first time, Jungwon realizes he couldn't see himself there.

ㅡ🥀

Jungwon has lost count on how many times it happened.

But what leaves him in full panic is when he wakes up in complete black and white -- his walls, his ceiling, his blanket, everything. The lack of color is making him dizzy and scared for dear life. And unlike before, his vision stayed like that for the whole day.

He rushes to his vanity mirror, stumbling at his own clumsy footing and looking back at his colorless reflection, a single drop of tear wetting down his ashen cheek. He supports himself against the wooden table, knees buckling and arms shaking under his dead weight.

Open, close. Jungwon bits down hard on his lower lip to stop them from quivering, a piercing cry forcing its way out of his throat.

When he drags his body closer to the window, his feet are cold and heavy against the floor. He lifts a hand and runs his shaky fingers through the messy strands, tears clinging to his eyelashes.

He can only suppress a harsh sob when he still sees nothing but grey outside ㅡ the sky, was it supposed to be clear white or blue today? Are those tree leaves still a healthy green or orange preparing to fall?

Jungwon doesn't know.

All he knew was he pretended to be okay when Jongseong called him over the phone to ask about his day; voice velvety against his ears, chuckling lowly at the younger's jokes like his whole world wasn’t crumbling right under his feet.

He pretended he could see the bright blonde locks when his boyfriend stood outside his door for a surprise visit, brushing his newly dyed hair and showing it off. Jungwon runs his own fingers against the soft tufts, wanting to feel them against his skin. He even threw compliments here and there about the color he couldn't even see.

He pretended he could see the pink dusting the older's cheeks when he teased him for being a scaredy-cat over the horror movie they were watching, imagining the endearing color he once saw a few times before and hoping the memory was enough to still admire it fully.

He pretended everything was alright when Jongseong bid him goodbye, pulling him in a tight hug before kissing his forehead -- warm, sweet, and lingering. They smiled at each other when they finally pulled away, already missing each other's warmth and scents, whispering promises of tomorrow in the spaces between them.

Jungwon pretended he didn't cry his eyes out the whole night in the darkness of his cold bedroom, heart heavy and sinking in his chest. He cried until his throat was sore and mouth dry. He cried until his voice was hoarse and his eyes bloodshot. He cried until his face was blotchy and lips bitten red.

He hid his face on his knees, hugging himself just a little tighter.

He hopes everything will be okay.

ㅡ🥀

But of course, everything will not be okay.

Jungwon watches as his reflection in the mirror slowly fades into complete black and white for the nth time.

It just means one thing and he knows it very well. But Jungwon still can't seem to get a grasp of truth and reality even after all those months. Deep inside, he knows he just can't accept it. At least a half part of his mind doesn't. His heart aches every time he tries to.

He has so many questions he wanted to ask but knows isn't important anymore. It's too late to fix. He thinks Jongseong doesn't want to fix it either because if he does, then he would've told him about it sooner.

In the end, it didn't matter.

When he looked back, the first thing he noticed was the way Jongseong's standing. His posture isn't as confident; opposite to the way he usually carries himself.

The next thing he noticed was his pursed lips. The older has this special smile for him that automatically blooms on his face whenever Jungwon is around, but today, it's nowhere to be seen.

And when he meets Jongseong's eyes, Jungwon tries his best not to bawl his eyes out right there and then at the sight, silently wondering if the smile on his lips matches his broken heart.

Jongseong doesn't even have to say it because Jungwon can already see. He doesn't need a word because the lack of colors is already loud enough.

“I’m sorry.”

Why? He wanted to ask but held it back, not trusting himself to not beg Jongseong to stay with him even if he has to live the rest of his life in black and white.

"I'm sorry that I couldn't fulfill my promise of forever with you."

Jungwon looks away, vision blurred with tears that wouldn't stop from falling, feeling his heart shattering in pieces with every word he's hearing. He wants to stop hurting but he doesn't know how. Because the one who can take the pain away is the one causing it now.

"I tried to hold on. Believe me, I tried.”

“But?”

“But it wasn’t enough.”

When? When did his love start to not be enough? When did it start to go downhill?

"I'm sorry, Jungwon. I'm so sorry that I can't bear to see you hurting anymore because of me. I'm sorry that I can't watch you pretend everything is alright when we both know everything isn't.”

“Do you think we at least gave our best fight?” Jungwon couldn’t breathe. It’s so hard to speak but he wants to know. He needs to know.

Jongseong steps closer, nodding his head. “We did. You were always the best fighter,” he says, a forlorn smile on his lips before he continues, "I just want you to be happy."

Jungwon closes his eyes, preparing himself for their final goodbye. He knows that fighting is futile. He’s so tired, too. So, so tired.

“Hyung," he starts, breathy and wavering. He tries to see through tears in an attempt to engrave all the details of the older’s face in his memory before they part ways for good, letting Jongseong hold his hands and plant last kisses there. "Thank you for making me see colors for the first time."

Jongseong's face finally crumples as he nods his head.

"I just want you to be happy, too, hyung. I’m sorry for making things harder for you, for us. I’m sorry, I couldn’t make you stay. I’m sorry our love wasn’t enough to last forever."

“Jungwon…”

“Thank you, Jongseong.”

You are now free, hyung.

**Author's Note:**

> twitter: @/sunoofobia


End file.
